Letter to ‘V’

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Dear Vagina.,

Is it the fact that you are forbidden that makes you taste so sweet?  Is it the fact that you are forbidden that makes me want to have you all the time?

I am so alive when I’m around you,I feel like I’m in heaven around you and I forget about the rest of the world.I wish..and wish… But aeroplanes in the night sky will never be shooting stars.You keep me coming back and longing for more.I ask myself,do u ever wake up in the middle of the night and reach out for me,do you ever miss me?Do you sit and stare into thin air and smile because of me?I know soon we shall walk our different paths,never to see each other again.I know that soon I will just be a frizzled memory.So am I right to live for the now?

Is it safe to throw caution to the wind? I yearn for you,crave you,and almost need you even though every fibre of my being is Screaming that I shouldn’t.What am I to do with you?Like Eve I’ve fallen for a temptation and I’m beyond redemption!

-fruits of the forbidden tree

Women’s bodies:a jewel to men

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FOR a while female dance groups had become unattractive although they stayed in the game.

Suddenly the interest is back and the female dance groups are now able to attract sizeable crowds without an established musician to help them get the crowd.
Currently in top to form is pole dancer -Beverly Sibanda whose group Sexy Angels is in demand in Harare’s various night spots.
There have been reports of excited men engaging the individual dancers for private events like birthday parties where some are reported to have staged strip shows.
The sight of a barely dressed female body is a big turn for most men who frequent entertainment joints. This is because -according to an international survey- men love to see women’s bodies. The more they see, the better. They don’t have to ask, beg, or pay -it’s a great bargain.
One school of thought is that these men are living a secret affair/romance with no strings attached.
“Men usually fantasize about beautiful women, they see beautiful women as the epitome of successful dating. Though most men accept the fact that they don’t have a Barbie look-alike as a partner, they can still dream.
“By seeing women of equivalent beauty that are completely or almost nude and seemingly vulnerable (even though most dancers are in complete control of what they do), going to a night spot (strip joint) allows them to get closer to that fantasy.”
This more or less applies to local men and a number of them have fallen in love with Beverly and her group.
H-Metro’s TAKAWIRA DAPI — better known as PHOTO VET — attended one of Beverly’s shows at a city joint recently.
The pictures show some of the reasons why Harare men are enjoying watching Beverly and her group in action.

Caught Bonking in a public john

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CAUGHT RED HANDED… This handcuffed couple was caught having sex in the toilet at a popular night spot along Samora Machel Avenue on Saturday.

Harare man demands back unprotected sex enjoyed by his prostitute

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THE self-confessed ‘thigh vendor’ who once grabbed headlines for stripping her client after he failed to pay for sex services she had rendered to him is at it again.

This time the woman identified only as Tarie had a confrontation with one of her elite clients. The elite client was identified as Flint and they clashed when Tarie was alerted that he was flirting with another woman at Mereki.

Tarie reportedly summoned Flint, who is a taxi driver, to her flat for an explanation. “I called Flint to my flat after hearing about his flirting with other girls. We have a special relationship and he is no ordinary client,” said Tarie. Upon arrival Tarie “detained” Flint at Richmond Flat located along Herbert Chitepo Avenue. Flint is said to have insulted Tarie with obscenities and at this point, Tarie was seething with anger.

She ordered Flint to remove the clothes he was wearing as she is the one who bought them. He complied and in turn made a bizzare demand: “I want my unprotected sex back,” he could be heard shouting. He however, realised that H-Metro were making their way to the scene and bolted out of the house, damaging the door as he broke the lock.

Tarie would not give up and she was in hot pursuit, stoning Flint’s taxi and jumping onto the bonnet. On realising that his taxi had been stoned, Flint -who was now occupying the passenger’s seat-then disembarked to confront Tarie. As a crowd gathered, a member of the Zimbabwe National Army then took Tarie and Flint to the Five Avenue police post.

However, neither party wanted to press charges. Speaking to H-Metro, Tarie was perplexed how Flint could possibly demand for the return of sex- goods that can’t be quantified. “You know what this guy demanded me to give him all the unprotected sex we enjoyed together,” said Tarie.

“I called my friends if they could understand what Flint was demanding. Chaarikuda ipapo chii uye ndinomupa sei ny*** yaarikubvunza kana ndiwe zvako. “He broke my door but I did not open a docket for him because I love him. He helps me big time. We just exchanged harsh words only out of my jealous,” said Tarie.

Flint, who was accompanied by his friend Malvern, refused to entertain H-Metro before running away. Tarie and Flint took cover at Five Avenue Police Post for fear of being captured on camera.

Boyfriend burns girlfriends house after finding ARV’s

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NHLANGANO – The issue of disclosure of HIV status to one’s sexual partner once again came to the spotlight when a man burnt down his lover’s house after discovering she was HIV positive.

A man has been arrested after setting alight a stick and mud house belonging to his long-time girlfriend, after discovering she was taking antiretroviral pills (ARVs).

*Sipho, 28, of Mpolonjeni in Siteki is charged with arson he committed on the night of October 17, 2011 at Kumjweni in KaPhunga, the parental homestead of his girlfriend.

The girlfriend’s brother, John, said Sipho set the one-roomed house on fire after dousing it with petrol. The suspect is said to have broken one of the windows and poured in petrol before throwing in a lit match stick.

Sipho is said to have accused his girlfriend of infecting him with HIV. At one point, according to John, Sipho allegedly assaulted his sister during the course of the night after discovering the ARV pills hidden in one of the drawers.

The suspect is said to have demanded from his girlfriend of two years why she concealed that she was HIV-positive and on antiretroviral treatment (ART) because they had had sex countless times without using a condom.

“This is how the rift started and I blame my sister for failing to disclose her status to her steady boyfriend. They had just finished having sex without a condom when he discovered the pills in the drawers. He then started demanding back the things he bought her and even sent short text messages threatening her with death and vengeance,” said John.

It is said the suspect received information to the effect his girlfriend was returning home from work in Ezulwini and he planned to burn her inside the house.

“Fortunately, my sister ended up not coming that day as she was held up at work. I heard my mother shouting for help and when I got out I found the house in flames. I kicked down the door but couldn’t go inside because of the raging fire and smoke. We watched helplessly as the house and property burnt to ashes. The burnt items are worth E40 000. I don’t believe burning the house was a good decision,” said john.

Sipho is said to have escaped, but constantly phoned and threatened his girlfriend. The police are said to have then hatched a plan with the girlfriend to apprehend him after he phoned and demanded to talk to her.

The two are said to have fallen in love while the suspect was employed in a company engaged to install electricity poles in the area. In one instance, the suspect is alleged to have attacked and threatened to assault his girlfriend at her workplace on accusations of infecting him with HIV.

The accused was brought to the Nhlangano Magistrates Court last Thursday by the KaPhunga police. He was granted E3 000 bail by Magistrate Musa Nxumalo and remanded back to custody until November 17, 2011 for trial.

The girlfriend was reportedly away at work in Ezulwini when this reporter visited the homestead on Saturday.

*Not their real names.

Drama at Aqua Lodge as people crowd to see cheating woman

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THERE was drama at a local lodge when a CHEATING married woman was caught red handed having quality time with a ‘boyfriend’.

Portia Jowa (35) was caught red handed by her husband Herbert Jowa (40) on the verge of HORIZONTAL GYMNASTICS with a man, who was only identified as Emmanuel, at Aqua Lodge opposite the Harare Exhibition Park.

They were about to hold an EXHIBITION of their own it would seem! As is often the case, all this occurred in the presence of the long lens of H-Metro and Portia received arguably the worst hiding of her life as her hubby’s relatives made away with her clothes as exhibit for the pending adultery court case. The scenario caused a stir at the lodge forcing some other couples who were booked at the lodge to come out half naked, cutting short their own sessions of hide-the-salami.

This made a multiple exposé as couples jostled to cover their faces upon noticing the H-Metro lens!
They too were being ‘naughty’ outside their matrimonial beds it would seem! Portia runs a backdoor canteen at ZIB Heights at Flat Number 1, 48 Central Avenue where she sells food and now it has been proven that she sells her THIGHS as well. All the dirty linen was washed in public amid revelations that love potions had been used on Herbert for the 18 years they had been married.

Also stunning were revelations that Portia made maximum use of prophets to get TOTAL control of Herbert while a 1Rand coin as well as clothes had been used for rituals to ‘TAME’ Herbert. And while he was being tamed, the HOT RODS of other men were busy taming his wife’s whats-its-name as they went in and out like a YOYO freely and under the nose of a subdued Herbert!

One Madzimai Eliza of Glen View 7 was fingered as the prophetess who was behind the ‘taming’ of Herbert and as Herbert confesses he has been introduced to several of Portia’s boyfriends as potions were at work. Herbert had always suspected that his wife (with whom they are married under Chapter 5:11) had been cheating on him for the past 18 years that they had been married.

“This woman has been cheating on me for the past 17 years or so. Ndanga ndakabikwa ini (love potions were at work). “We have four children with this woman but she has been abusing me. She used to beat me up until I moved out of my own flat to let her stay alone,” lamented Herbert. Herbert said he moved out on June 4 this year so that he could have ample space to investigate Portia’s shenenigans.

“This woman would always say that she was tired whenever I wanted to exercise my conjugal rights. I then knew that she was dating a lot of men and she even confessed that she had the SEX OF HER LIFE at a Borrowdale lodge some time ago,” said Herbert and Portia concurred when H-Metro asked the woman to confirm the allegations.

11On Wednesday night Herbert wanted to prove that his wife was a two timer and readily available sex mate and arranged that one man requests quality time with her. Portia accepted the proposal and started sending love messages to Emmanuel. One of the messages read, “Ndoda kuva newe wombonzwawo zvandiri. Bonus yangu ndoida chicken inn ye 3 dollars hayo (I want you to have a feel of me. I want my bonus of a US$3 Chicken Inn meal only).”

The THIGH vendor was offering her THIGH services in exchange for CHICKEN THIGHS from Chicken Inn; they must have been too juicy to resist! Another read, “Wake wake ndatotota ndodiko panemacustoma.” Little did Portia know that the messages were being forwarded to her husband as she continued being more and more raunchy. “Daddy I love you very serious m***o yako irikuita seirimo shaa ndirikutonakirwa newe ini ndiri ndoga switie,” read one of the messages.

Another reads; “…Ndekapi ndekapi..magaro anopera neku driver usingazorore. Ndimi munozotinetsa muchingoti mukaisa *** mobva ****** ini ndisati ndambokunzwa. Wako P.” Little did Portia know that she was being trapped until she was caught red handed with another man. Acting on a tip off, H-Metro followed Emmanuel and Portia from the ZIB Heights Flat to Aqua Lodge where they booked for an hour of SERIOUS business.

And as they had undressed and readied for the juicy act, the H-Metro lens imposed itself for a THREESOME and spoiled the impending party! A fight erupted as Herbert and one of his younger brothers went on a rampage to beat the cheating woman. But it was not until Herbert’s younger brother received his own share as Portia fought back and bit his arm.

After failing to get her ‘catch’ to sink something into HER she decided to sink her TEETH into the party spoilers! Portia’s son called looking for his mother only to be answered by his father who narrated the whole ordeal. “Is it true mum?” asked the son and Portia said it was affirmative before the son hung up the phone. When H-Metro left the scene, all the parties were driving in four vehicles to Milton Park Police Station for justice to take its course.

Portia was only wrapped in a bed-spread when she left for the station under which her steamy hot and sweat dripping body lay; which was supposed to be given to Emmanuel as a sacrifice to the fine tried and tested rite of sex and sexual satisfaction that never was!. Herbert and his relatives are said to have proceeded to the flat where they threw Portia’s belongings out.

As they packed Portia’s belongings they stumbled upon a cloth with inscriptions for holy divination. “PORTIA JOWA MHOFU YEMUKONO. Murume wangu dzoka mumba. Ramba kufurirwa. Vakadzi vekunze siyana navo, funga nezvangu chete. Hama dzinoputsa siyana nadzo. Ziva zvemhuri yako chete (Come back home my husband. Don’t listen to what relatives say. Think about me only and your family).” It appears that’s the spell that had been cast on Herbert so that he wouldn’t stray from the matrimonial bedroom although he was sex starved.

*Story by H-Metro*

Cheating couple nabbed by Central-Locking-System

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IN a suspected use of ‘runyoka’ – the famed so-called central locking system – a cheating couple was caught stuck to each other at Matapi Hostels in Mbare yesterday.

They were believed to be in their sexual positions in a story that got the whole city’s ever-so-busy tongues wagging!

Traders’ goods at Mbare Musika are also feared to have been stolen after they left them making a bee line to Matapi Police Station where the couple was believed to have been taken. Officer in Charge at Matapi Police Station dismissed the rumour before referring H-Metro to the provincial police spokesperson.

“We are surprised to see all these people flocking here but we never saw anyone coming with that case here,” he said in defence.

But that did not stop SCORES of rumour-mongering Harare residents from flocking to Matapi Police Station despite being told by police that is was possibly a hoax. It would seem they don’t entirely believe the denials of the police force if the numbers that continued to swell and expect to ‘see’ the phenomenon is anything to go by.

“Confirm finer details with our spokesperson, but we honestly have no idea of the story,” said the Officer in Charge.

More than 2 000 people thronged the police station demanding the police to bring out the stuck couple. Reinforcements were called to control the swelling curious crowd who were passing time among each other discussing sex stories freely among different age groups who attended. If there ever was a World Cup of SEX and sex interest, Zimbabwe would no doubt be the equivalent of Brazil in football judging from the drooling mouths and enthusiastic sex talk!

“If you do not bring them out we will not leave this place because they have been brought to your police station,” the crowd was heard shouting. “Tavaona vakanamirana vaunzwa varimuchingoro kunge ladder vaburitsei pamavaviga,” they chanted. (Bring them out we saw them stuck together. Take them out from that ladder-like truck where you hid them.)

Two tear smoke canisters were used to control the crowd who wanted to bring the fence down before the reinforcements moved swiftly to control the increasingly volatile situation. The door to the public relations and liaison office, which was sealed, became another focus of attention from the crowd. They were convinced that is where the stuck-in-sex couple was being hidden and they wanted them sniffed out and exposed.

However, according to police the room was locked because the staff were said to have attended a sporting activity. Some of the onlookers who spoke to H-Metro said the charms used in such cases are unlocked by going public and suspected that the locked couple could have disappeared into the crowd. That was a rather long shot as nobody sporting the fashion ‘labels’ of either Adam or Eve was seen sauntering away from the scene or within the crowd!

Others were suggesting that the man has to urinate so as to get released from the central locking ‘curse’. Runyoka is a traditional way where juju is used to lock mainly women so that they do not cheat with other man. If they do, they get stuck together and often only the woman’s husband can held them separate. It was commonly used by male workers who go for night shifts or cross border work in a way to safe guard their natural ‘blessed well’ it is believed.

When H-Metro left the place around 5pm more people were still flocking to catch a glimpse of the stuck couple as police were in control of the salivating curious crowd. They were still convinced that the police were up to no good and ‘hiding something’. Efforts to contact higher offices in the police ranks proved fruitless by the time of going to print. However, the case proved that Harare is fast becoming the rumour capital of the world with people coming from far and wide to ‘SEE’ something police claim never was in the first place!

Double blow for self-styled prophet

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A SELF-STYLED prophet suffered double jeopardy after he reportedly contracted HIV from a woman he raped before being jailed four years for the crime.

Brighton Chiwafa (19) of House Number 36, 18th Street Heroes Section, Chegutu, initially went to the woman’s house demanding his “holy water” back before she pleaded with him to continue using the water.

Chiwafa denied the charge when he appeared before Chinhoyi regional magistrate Mr Solomon Jenya, but was convicted after a fully contested trial. Prosecutor Mr Admore Shekede proved that the accused had non-consensual sexual intercourse with the woman.

In his defence, Chiwafa said the woman consulted another “prophet” who instructed her to find a young and healthy man who would help her conceive, as she wanted to have a child.

He said the intercourse was by mutual consent. Allegations against Chiwafa are that on October 10, 2010, he went to the woman’s house demanding his “muteuro” (holy water) back, but the woman pleaded with him to allow her to continue using it.

He returned the following day making the same demands, but she told him that she had pain in her womb and needed help. Chiwafa asked for cooking oil and told the woman to go into a private room where he followed and told her to apply the oil on her private parts.

He then started caressing her private parts and raped her. Mr Jenya found him guilty of the offence and sentenced him to six years in prison before suspending two on condition that he does not commit a similar offence in future.

Cases of women being raped by self-styled prophets are on the rise nationally. The police urges women not to trust the prophets who masquarade under the guise of religion.

Man says he enjoys humping his mother

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IN a suspected case of an incestuous relationship, a mother who is 87-years-old is believed to be bedding her 35-year-old son in Muzarabani.

Francis would be the archetypical example of a REAL person who ought to be called a mother f****er! Louisa Chitakure, an octogenarian who lives in Sabhuku Gunduza’s village under Chief Kasekete, has stunned the villagers and people of Muzarabani as she is said to be bedding her son Francis Arumendo who is 35 years old.

Their relationship has stunned the community and they are calling it taboo and causing the current dry spell to persist because of the rain- ‘impeding’ taboo relationship. H-Metro caught up with Francis at Muzarabani Growth Point where he admitted that it was indeed true that he is bedding his mother and two other elderly women.

Francis said, “I enjoy having sex with my mother. The sex is great, and she is the only woman I’ve enjoyed having sex with.” Francis also said, “We have been having sex for as long as I cannot remember.” However, Francis’ mother vehemently denied that she is having sex with her son saying that people who hate her were the ones going around telling the story. She is not ‘playing house’ with her son, she said.

She also said that: “Francis says that because he is a bit mentally challenged so you cannot ENTIRELY believe what he says because he is mentally challenged.” She went on to say: “Zvaari mashura angu nhai, ndingarare nemwana wangu wekubereka, zvakaoma (Is this not a bad omen that I am alleged to sleep with my own son I gave birth to?”)

However, despite Louisa denying the claims, Gunduza Village and people in Muzarabani are wondering what has got into a mother to have sex with her son. “Louisa is widowed that is why she is bedding her son,” speculated one villager who declined to be named.” Villagers still gossip about it and their curiosity about the issue has not been quenched.

Sex in the fields..You got to read this

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Came across this juicy story in the press & just had to share it!



PEOPLE in Muzarabani under Chief Hwata in Warambwa village were left tongue tied when a woman caught her husband being intimate with his son’s wife in a field on Tuesday last week.

The father was apparently having one hell of a ‘FIELD DAY’ people have said! Promise Chapwanya was caught doing the father-in-law duties but not in the normal way, he was bonking Tendai Mugariri his daughter-in-law from the rear, the so-called doggy-style, while they were in the fields.

The two were taken to Sabhuku (headman) Alexio Mhasvi for the customary law court to answer for their misdeeds as it is taboo. Promise was caught by his wife Abigail Gumbo, who tracked them to the fields after seeing that the two were getting too close for comfort for a relationship between a father-in-law and a daughter-in-law. She is said to have hatched a plan after she suspected that something was happening between the two. Tendai was said to be wearing shorts that were too revealing in front of her father-in-law, raising her mother-in-law’s suspicion.

Sabhuku Alexio also confirmed that Abigail was also suspicious because the two always went to the garden and fields together. On the fateful day Abigail is said to have followed the two from a distance and caught them in the middle of the juicy act and doing the doggy style in the fields. H-Metro caught up with Promise at his home but he ran away before he said anything; he went behind his house and vanished into the bush.

Probably the SAME bush that protected him as he enjoyed the fruits of his son’s courtship skills as he ‘DID’ his daughter-in-law. Promise’s lovebird Tendai said, “Zvamakanzwa ndizvozvo but I cannot say anything about that issue (What you heard is true but I cannot say anything about the issue).” Abigail the mother in-law said, “Nyaya iyoyo ine makuva pasi and handisati ndaona zvakadaro. (That story is deadly, BUT I have never seen anything like that).”

But she could not be drawn to saying much as she was afraid of her husband as she kept saying, “You should talk to my husband. After all he is the HEAD of the house.” Apparently he was giving more HEAD than he was expected to . . . giving his ‘services’ even to the daughters-in-law! Abigail also wanted to say much but she just said; “the matter is under chief Hwata tomorrow”, (Yesterday), “so I cannot say more and if you want more details you can come and listen to the story yourselves at the chiefs court tomorrow.”

However Abigail wanted to tell H-Metro more details and she said, “Let’s meet somewhere not here since ndingazomuka ndakafa zvikazivikanwa kuti ndakuudzai zvimwe (I might end up dead if it’s found out that I gave you more details).” She later changed her mind and did not turn up at the rendezvous, fearing for her life from her husband Promise. Simbarashe, Tendai’s husband and the man whose wife was playing hide-the-sausage with his father could only just shake his head and refused to comment on the issue.

He professed to be devastated. Tendai’s hesitation at the house was so tense that the four seemed not to be in talking terms as witnessed by H-Metro when Abigail refused to call Tendai so that she could be interviewed, Abigail kept saying, “Vadaidzei mega ambuya vangu (call my mother-in-law yourselves),”  lamenting that she was now the muroora and not Tendai.

Village head Alexio Mhasvi said, “At my level I handle such cases but later refer them to the Chief.” Village head Mhasvi also said when they were at his court, Promise and Tendai denied that they were caught having sex in the bush, but that she was merely fabricating the whole story. The denial was short-lived as Promise’s brother is said to have also stood up and testified that he caught the two having sex in bush behind a baobab tree.

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